Thursdays bring two things: 21 year olds and drama, neither of which I am particularly interested in. BUT I have a friend in town from a place that is rooted in our country's history and has more bugs than any place ever needs. And me, being adventurous, decided I could deal with going out so her vacation in Denver was exciting.
So we went to the one and only lesbo bar, where it is usually disappointing and doesn't have much to look at, people wise. But Thursday night pulled through, it was like walking into a West Virginia Cousin-Loving front yard barbeque.
(You lovely readers know how much I like lists...)
Out of all the homosexual ladies there, here are a few that stick out in my head this morning like a bad dream:
1. The spiked mullet with frosted tips lady wearing a flannel shirt and cargo shorts (I loathe cargo shorts)
2. The bad bra butch. Not only was she wearing cargo shorts and a warm up tank top (one of the slick feeling ones for basketball) but she had the least supportive bra in the history of bras on and she needed at least a little support. She also walked like a man and I am pretty sure I saw her adjust her dick.
3. The screamer. This girl is usually out and about in our community and I have had a few not-so-pleasant run-ins with her before, but this time she was particularly annoying. She was participating in one of the deck games the bar was having and she was screaming. I think it was physically impossible for her to talk. Shrill, loud and unable to decipher what she was saying...thats all she was doing. Screaming. I wanted to duct tape her mouth shut.
4. The DJ. She was magical all on her own. Plaid cargo shorts (double whammy) and had a fake affliction shirt on, it was the Walmart special version. She also needed to buy a new support system because her ladies had become one and were sagging down to her belt. Which was pulled up high because for some reason when people get older, they pull up their pants to ungodly heights
5. The walking banana cream pie. She was wearing yellow and white and looked like a banana. But a big one, that moved a lot more than a banana should. She was banana cream pie. Walking around. Pretending it was human. She was encouraging the screamer.
6. The drunk dyke couple. According to my friend from out of town, they had been there since she arrived three hours earlier, and were already drunk at that point. When we arrived at the bar they were in the same spot, same bar stools, considerably more drunk and were getting ready to sing karaoke. Magic happened need less to say. Magic. My ears bled, clear blood.
I felt like I was at the Denver Zoo, watching the animals come out for mating season. But all the sexy animals were taken, so no Tigers or Cheetahs and certainly no Pumas. Only warthogs, rhinos and lemurs.
Thursday night thank you for being everything I wanted and more. Next time I venture out on a Thursday I am going to wear my safari outfit and my shirt that says "West Virginia is for Cousins"
In other news, wish me luck, I am going to Apple today and that always ends in my spending too much money or yelling at some twat genius for saying I use PC's and thats my problem. If you know me at all, I am not a PC user and have an affinity for all things Apple.
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